Sunday, September 19, 2010

The Psychotic

“I am absolutely sure about the rising of the sun, the phases of the moon, the seasons, the time tables, the school schedules, but I am surprisingly naive about my self.” [Anu Lal-- Published in Facebook: Friday at 20:18.]
I felt my mind losing its final threads with life. There was a region of darkness developed around me. I could not see beyond it. I could not hear beyond it. I could not understand anything beyond it. The region of darkness existed within my hand’s reach. It was tangible. But it had obliterated the world, the life, and the perception that I believed, existed out side it. I knew it existed, because I had seen it before the enveloping of the dark veil.

Then, I could here voices—assertive and imperative. They asked everything out of me. I decided to communicate with them. But they did not seem to listen to me. I suspected the dark veil might be the reason why they could not hear me screaming. Their voices became louder and louder. It started blaring. My ears burst.

Then, I saw some one. They were staring at me. And they pointed at me with ferocious expressions. It was hard not to look at them. Did you see this is me: I wanted to shout. I cried. I wanted them to see, and save me from the prison of the dark veil, which was transforming now into a wall of glass. It looked rather like a glass ball. I was in its centre; but not in the air. I was on the ground. But I could still see the lower portion of the balloon reaching still far below from my feet. This made me feel doubtful about my own sensitivity, understanding, and my cognitive powers. I was on the ground, but still in the air. I looked up at them. I needed help at least to understand what the situation I am in was. But then they walked away. My eyes became blear. I could no longer make out anything.

Death sometimes is a better friend than the best of your friends. It stays with you from the very moment of your birth and reminds you that it is always near to console you by taking you into its tranquil bosom, when ever you need it, just like one of your best friends should have done, had they not forgotten your need.

The ‘I’ in this story had a name. It starts with the letter A and ends with the letter L, in English language. Let us call him AL. AL logged on to the internet connection, his only resort—the virtual world—where he spends hours and hours, intending to occupy every bit of his minute from life. That is his one window to the world outside—the only breach in the glass wall turned dark veil. After the life time he spent in front of the window, he decided to meet the most trusted friend—death. He searched in the Google to find out some painless ways to end up his life; to commit suicide. He did not hate his body. So there were no plans to hurt the body during the process of the communion with death.

One link somewhere held his attention. It was a website for stress management. It read:

Stress Management: How to Reduce, Prevent, and Cope with Stress

Learn how to successfully manage stress by changing the way you respond to stress, making time for relaxation, and learning healthier coping strategies.
helpguide.org/mental/stress_management_relief_coping.htm - Cached - Similar

AL entered the site. It explained many methods that could be adopted to manage the daily stress. What he found surprising was that he could relate many of the symptoms of stress described in the site. Then he stared into the box, showing the unhealthy strategies adopted to cope with stress. And he found himself there. AL read:

These coping strategies may temporarily reduce stress, but they cause more damage in the long run:

• Smoking

• Drinking too much

• Overeating or undereating

• Zoning out for hours in front of the TV or computer

• Withdrawing from friends, family, and activities • Using pills or drugs to relax

• Sleeping too much

• Procrastinating

• Filling up every minute of the day to avoid facing problems

• Taking out your stress on others (lashing out, angry outbursts, physical violence)

AL found all his problems listed there. And he felt as if some one is listening to his problems. He smiled. The scroll button lead him to some measures that will helpful cope with the stress problems without much of the harmful side effects. Then some thing else held his attention.

• Share your feelings. Talk to a trusted friend or make an appointment with a therapist. Expressing what you’re going through can be very cathartic, even if there’s nothing you can do to alter the stressful situation

• Reframe problems. Try to view stressful situations from a more positive perspective. Rather than fuming about a traffic jam, look at it as an opportunity to pause and regroup, listen to your favorite radio station, or enjoy some alone time.

• Learn how to say “no” – Know your limits and stick to them. Whether in your personal or professional life, refuse to accept added responsibilities when you’re close to reaching them. Taking on more than you can handle is a surefire recipe for stress.

Then he saw something that surprised him to the bones. The glass wall, that was once the dark veil, started to crumble down. He could see life. He could hear songs. And he felt something else too—the lost link with life being restored. Death was smiling at him from a distance, just like a friend, who was leaving his best friend after helping him find out the solution to deal with the crucial turn in his life.
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