The Fear of Love

Some people are afraid to fall in love. They are in an endless attempt to negotiate with the uncertainties love brings for them. Here is one example...

"I've been in love with you for weeks.'
There's no such thing,' she says. 'It's a rhetorical device. It's a bourgeois fallacy.'
Haven't you ever been in love, then?'
When I was younger,' she says, 'I allowed myself to be constructed by the discourse of romantic love for a while, yes.'
What the hell does that mean?'
We aren't essences, Vic. We aren't unique individual essences existing prior to language. There is only language." 

--David Lodge

...they theorize love and forget that love happens in the complete absence of negotiations between the self and the external. There is only complete forgetting of the internal self and the external. Some people are really afraid to fall in love.


sarath said…
As you said people are afraid to love; and they theorize it....Everywhere we can find people theorizing life without knowing what life is and what opportunities it offers to us.
Anu Lal said…
So true my friend...Thanks for dropping in.
Brian Miller said…
love should be respected, it will mess you up, if you let it.
love should not have any unceratainties attached to it....if there are any its not love its sumthn else....I term love as uncalculated as everythn in this world is calculated but love can't be.....would like ur comment on my new post....My uncalulated Love Story...thanks.
Terri said…
Sometimes the fear comes from being burned by love. We want to protect our fragile hearts. But if we never try again we will never have love. And once you do find it don't take it for granted. Keep watering it so it continues to grow. It took me 37 years of trying to finally find unconditional love, a safe haven a secure place where there are no walls between us. I could go on and on. For those who find it sooner or later I couldn't be happier for you. The point is you have found what so many are desireing to find.
Here is a definition of love that I have always appreciated:
Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury.  It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
 Love never fails.
Anu Lal said…
@ Brian--Thank you so much. so true.

@Broken star--I look forward to your story.
@Terri--Thank you Tia. I had purposefully left out a gap in the write up for the readers to fill. And your words aptly fill it. Well said.

I think there is an element there that rings true for me.

But, I have not given up. :)

Interesting post.
Sheri said…
ah, love. at my age, 53, i should be able to tell you exactly what is up with love but i cannot. although my experiences range from being loved by parents, grands, aunts/uncles, siblings, husband, children, grands and friends...the greatest human love i ever felt was being with my grandparents. there was something in them that fulfilled my needs to such a great extent that i still ache for their company today, and they've been gone many, many years. i love my first grandchild with that intensity but at 15 she doesn't 'get it'.
the only true, unconditional love i have ever had was accepting the love of Jesus, my savior. THAT love is what is healing me today!

anulal, was it you who asked about the 2.6 children?? if so, it's really a term of averaging the amount of children to the parents. i would think that 2.6 meant you had two children and were perhaps six months pregnant with the next? anyway, there you have it ;)
Anu Lal said…
@ Sharon-- thank you for your nice words.

@ Jingle--thanks.

@Sheri-Well, I don't think I asked you about 2.6children. Any way thanks for the comment. and I can feel you. It is truly a gift to love unconditionally and to receive it.
Sheri said…
anulal, would you like to participate in the game, "10 things that i love". it would be so interesting to me and many others who don't know you very well? please consider it! all you have to do is post it and then let me know, i'll direct people to your blog to read it, if you wish. then you can tag someone else to play along when you are finished. i know it's a little silly but it's good to laugh!
Anu Lal said…
I will try Sheri. Thanks for thinking about me.

Happy Sunday!
Some awards on lower button of the post...Take good care.

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